Preparing for Arrival!
Preparing for our children's arrival would best be described as surreal. We knew that children were coming, but couldn't know that it would be R and E for certain until after our Matching Panel. After Matching Panel, Introductions start almost immediately and in our case, we had just shy of a week! During our Stage 1 and 2 Prep, we were warned not to purchase much for the children because a. you don't know who's coming (!) and b. whoever would come should already have their own belongings. In theory, this made sense, but we were surprised by what ended up coming with R and E.
Children's room
The children had been sharing a room for the 18months they were at the Foster Carer's so we thought sharing to begin with would be best as they transitioned into their new home. This meant we needed to keep the room pretty gender neutral. We had actually already painted the chosen room a light green colour ahead of time (it was the very least I could do to feel a bit organised) and went with grey and white accents.
The chest of drawers (Hemnes), book shelf (Mosslanda Picture Ledge), bed (Kura), and shelving unit (Kallax) are all IKEA. We chose mostly IKEA furniture because it is reasonably priced and looks good. What else can you ask for in children's furniture? More importantly, it meant that I could justify a larger spend on accessories to make it feel a bit more luxe. It was around this time that I discovered themodernnursery.com, an online nursery and children's toy store that has the most amazing edit of quality items. I found it a struggle to find decent kids décor and this has been my go to for more upmarket pieces for kids. I sourced the grey and white playmat from this site as well as the wooden feather garland and am so pleased with both. I also found the Rapper's Delight print at 'iamfy', another online retailer that I like.
The 'Kura' bed we purchased can be used as a bunk bed (we just put two mattresses underneath on the floor), a raised bed and just a standard single. For us this is great, giving us the flexibility that we expect to need over the next few years as the children grow. It's worth noting that I had become a Pinterest addict by this point and had big ambitions to personalise it, but of course, the kids came and it is just another job that has fallen to the wayside. To be frank, it looks fine as is and when it starts to look weathered in a few years is probably the time for upcycling projects!
A note unrelated to interiors: we had issues getting the children's social worker to sign off on the two mattresses on the floor as it is policy that there is a traditional bed. This is because in many cases the children are coming from birth homes where their bed is just a mattress on the floor, if that. I would recommend to anyone who may find themselves in our position to be very clear about your intentions and show pictures of what you are planning (see Pinterest) to the social worker to avoid any drama (like we did) just before placement.
Making Space in Common Areas
Shortly after we were 'linked' to R and E, their social worker came to our home to meet us and decide if we were a good enough match for them. We were gob smacked when she expressed concern about us not having the space in our home for a playroom. She was right, we did not have the space for a playroom but more importantly, we felt that the children should have at least some ownership of the common areas such as the living room. After all, this was going to be their home too!
So our task was set, make space for R and E in the living room without it looking like a crèche. We are very fortunate that the wall between the sitting room and dining room had been knocked through when we bought the home, so the ground floor is relatively open. We decided the only area that made sense would be the recess between the fireplace in the sitting room and the wall where a fireplace once lived in the dining area.
Next was how to make it look good, but on a budget (champagne tastes with a beer budget and all that). As our wall colour is dark, we wanted to find items that came in calm and neutral colours. Enter again, IKEA: We chose the Kallax shelving unit with four storage boxes to keep their toys organized but also accessible to them, the Latt table and chairs, and the Duktig Kitchen. We hadn't originally planned on having a play kitchen in the living room as those toys are always on offer at school. While were still in the early stages of learning about the children we were told that E's absolute favourite toy was her play kitchen at her Foster Carer's and that it would be coming with her. When we laid eyes on it we saw that it was plastic, very colourful (read garish) and the oven door was broken. We couldn't bear for her to lose it, but equally, we could not have it on display in our home! All I can say is, thank you IKEA for the best value for money role-play kitchen of all time.
We added a few plants to their little corner to give them some 'responsibility' and to give the area a calming feel. To finish off, we chose IKEA frames to display their artwork to help put their stamp on the room. Suddenly, I am acutely aware of just how much IKEA we now have, and no, this is not meant to be an ad!
Clothes
As mentioned above we were advised by the social workers not to buy any toys or clothes as they would be coming with a lot from their foster homes. This was the ultimate test in restraint. To be completely honest, I felt robbed of the nesting experience I had heard so much about from other soon to be moms. Before we started the adoption journey I had always imagined thoughtfully choosing items for their new home but held off in doing so given the advice we received. While I found it frustrating, the justification for not purchasing new items was that the old clothes would be familiar, and in turn, comforting to them. I couldn't argue with that logic so I resigned myself to making online wish lists and waiting.
It turned out, we needn't had worried. All the clothes that came with the children were old, cheap and in E's case bubblegum pink. Girls that are dressed exclusively in pink is my pet peeve, so we went straight to the H&M boys section (I find the girls items too pink) and found them a few basic items. Our first parenting lesson was that shopping with children is near impossible. I lost E for a good two minutes (please bear in mind this is only my second hour of being a mom) in amongst the rails. When I finally found her she was trying to drink a coffee she found on the floor. I'm not proud to repeat this story, but hopefully it will give you an idea of just how unprepared we were in this regard!
Toys
We were surprised to receive the amount of toys we did from the Foster Carer's home. We wonder if we received as much as we did (our entire guest room was full to the brim) because the foster carers had to decided to no longer look after children R and E's age. We were given what we can only assume was 20 years worth of plastic toys. I genuinely believe that the children's Foster Carers are kind people and may have been misguided in thinking they were helping us sending that amount. However, in reality it meant we had to hide it all in the loft and slowly weed through it as and when we found time. As I read this back, I do not want to seem ungrateful, but the first few weeks of having R and E at home were incredibly difficult and exhausting. This was not through any fault of R and E of course; it was simply a massive change to our lifestyle that I don't think we could have ever been truly prepared for. What we did not need at that point in time was another massive job on our to do list. We found ourselves in a tough position, because during the transition week you are being welcomed into the foster carers home each day and we wanted it to go as smoothly and nicely as possible. If we could do it again, we would create a polite excuse about the amount of space available in our home and politely decline what was not necessary.
We were also very surprised at the quality of the items the children brought. The majority was age inappropriate, especially for R and we found that he didn't know how to play with most things or even imagine. When we first showed him the Brio set we had ready for him, he had no idea what to do with it. It was only after Tom spent hours with him role playing and literally showing him how to use a train set did he begin to enjoy it. The same goes for Lego, puzzles and any other small world play that we had on offer for them. I am proud to say though, that both the children now spend hours with the toys mentioned and have come on leaps and bounds in their imaginary play.
With my 20/20 hindsight, I would have ignored what we were told from the get go and just bought (within reason!) what I wanted whilst we were waiting for them. I realise our experience with R and E's Foster family is not necessarily the norm, but I imagine the above does happen in varying degrees.
As our children have come from a very chaotic background, we have found that having less of, but higher quality items has been good for their play. They do not feel overwhelmed and are learning to choose one activity at a time, which has in turn helped their concentration immensely. At the beginning of placement, one of the most worrying traits they both possessed was that neither of them could sit still for more than a minute. Today at 3 and 5 years old, they can sit at a chosen activity for at least 20-30 minutes. Hooray for tangible, real-life progress!
Overall, we feel that we prepared what was absolutely necessary and were able to pick up the other bits along the way. What matters most is that the children adore their room, love having their own space and enjoy playing wherever they bloody well choose! Although their choice is not always the most convenient option for Tom or I, we believe they feel that this is their home now and treat it as such!
